There Is More To Love Than Spending Money On A Specific Date In February

For those in love, it is one of the most important dates in the calendar, but for those who are not so lucky, it can be a sad, lonely, and downright miserable day.

Valentines can be tough, and I feel your pain singletons. You and I are in the same boat. You know the one I mean, that same single boat, with individual seats, microwave meals, and the space for double beds, but not the need. It is a voyage many of us have been on for some time, and no matter how often we check to see if someone wants to board, the jetty is always deserted.

Traditionally this is the part where you are told that somebody is out there for you, that if you just tried a little harder, spent a bit more money on a haircut and some new clothes, and downloaded the latest app to improve your chances, you too could find yourself on a two-person yacht, floating along the river of love. But I am not here to tell you that.

Finding “the one” has almost nothing to do with the length of your fringe, or the colour of your shirt. It has nothing to do with the money in your wallet, the stubble on your chin, or the jewellery around your neck. Finding “the one” is deeper than that, and it goes to the very roots of what makes us humans.

The earth that we all inhabit provides us with all the necessary things we need in order to thrive. As long as we treat this earth with love, care and affection, it will continue to provide for our needs for thousands of years to come. What is fairly obvious is that we only have one earth, and once that is gone, there is no way of getting it back again. The entire planet is a living, breathing ecosystem, and as humans we are a small part of a complex interconnected web of relationships.

Whilst the individual parts remain in place and conduct their actions in harmony with others, the web retains its strength and solidarity. When though, the harmony is disrupted, relationships break down and the web begins to weaken.

The streams that were once so clean, giving us an endless supply of fresh water, have now become polluted. Instead of quenching our thirst, the water makes us ill. The air that once smelled so sweetly is now thick with smog, causing us to cough and wheeze. The soil that used to be fertile and rich in nutrients is now dust. The trees that gave shelter from the wind and provided habitats for wild animals have disappeared.

To quote the great philosopher Will.I.Am: “Where is the love?”

Love may be a day ear-marked in the calendars of businesses; a day whereby couples are encouraged to spend money on one another to prove their feelings; a day for buying, writing, and sending Valentines cards; but love is not an emotion. Or at least it doesn’t seem to be.

Why must love be confined to just one of the 365 days in the modern calendar? Why must love only relate to one of the many persons in your life? Why is it that without any sign of irony we cut down acres of forests in order to produce cards designed to show what caring and compassionate people we are?

Call me a cynic, but isn’t there more to feeling love than simply exchanging unnecessary gifts on a specific date each year? Call me a hippy, but isn’t the inherent problem with “finding the one” the fact that as humans we are all one already?

Emotions and feelings are not a tool to be marketed, love can’t be purchased, and affection has no price. The love that you are encouraged to show to your partner on February the 14th is the love that should be present when interacting with all living things. Just like with your boyfriend or girlfriend, if you love the earth and treat it right, it will love you back. But unlike your boyfriend or girlfriend, the earth cannot defend and provide for itself.

In order to sustain this wonderful planet, and in order to ensure our continued survival as a species on this rock that we call home, we must learn to love her once again.  More important than the love between two people on one day, is the love between seven billion people and the earth.

I am not asking you to abandon Valentine’s Day completely, or to end your romance with the person of your dreams, or to run away to the nearest convent and take a vow of celibacy. What I am asking you to do is share the love that you feel. Share it amongst your friends, family, relatives, neighbours, and share it with the people in this world who have yet to see the kind and caring side of you that your partner is witness to on a daily basis.

For those of you lucky enough to be in love, why not share such a wonderful feeling. Why not give back to the planet that has already given you so much. As for us singletons, whilst our search for a partner continues – a search that may last quite some time in my case – we must never forget that there is an outlet for our feelings. There is a whole world in need of love, a whole world that would be more than happy to receive it, and to return it. It is a world that will not expect you to pay the bill, or be disappointed with just the dozen roses.

“You cannot get through a single day without having an impact on the world around you. What you do makes a difference, and you have to decide what kind of difference you want to make.”
– Jane Goodall

This was originally posted on the Renewable World blog

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“Our First Valentines Together”

I go over in my head
Some things that you said
When we were young and happy in love
I feel disdain
When I reflect on the pain
I caused you that time we spoke of
The love that we share
The way that we care
The future of you and of me
Speaking of dreams
And then it did seem
That this future was just meant to be
Though you hoped and you tried
It is my fault you cried
For I put a stop to all of the dreaming
Though you called it first
I thought it was last
I had lost all hope in believing
That this would last
Where we fell so fast
At times I did not want it to end
But I simply quit
Could not handle the shit
No matter how hard I’d pretend
You gave to me
What I wanted to see
But at some point I closed my eyes
And in the black
The foundations did crack
Letting in the hurt and the lies
We were both wrong
Both to blame that it’s gone
But I can only point the finger at me
I should not have resisted
I should have persisted
Instead of turning to run and to flee
Your dreams were misplaced
For it all went to waste
You can probably be happier elsewhere
Though we fought and we cried
Though it’s broken inside
I just want you to know I still care
Search for the smile
A yard or a mile
Please achieve the happiness you seek
For it’s out there somewhere
All the love and the care
To give in is to admit defeat
Time cannot go back
I realise that
What’s been done cannot be undone
I know you’ll go far
If you be what you are
You’re a sunflower, now reach for the sun

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Beyond BPD: Why It Doesn’t Define You

On behest of my Girlfriend, I am here once again. This time I have been encouraged to write about what it is like to be with someone who is BPD. For those that dont know BPD stands for Borderline Personality Disorder and it is a complicated mental condition that is thought to affect as many as one in seven of us, according to the book “New Hope For People With Borderline Personality Disorder”. Though I have been with my Girlfriend for nearly nine months, and I have read books and researched BPD, I simply cannot empathise with her. Though I understand the hallmarks of BPD, the tell tale signs, the reactions and thought processes, I am not able to put myself in my Girlfriends shoes. I cannot even come close to imagining the mental anguish that she must have suffered, and be suffering. Its entirely alien to me and the majority of people within society.

Continue reading “Beyond BPD: Why It Doesn’t Define You”